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A Lifestyle Of Forgiveness

A lifestyle of forgiveness

Post Series: Kingdom Principles
  • 1.A lifestyle of forgiveness

A lifestyle of forgiveness 

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”   C S Lewis

Generally people from different religions, Psychologists and Scientists alike seem to agree on the emotional and health benefits of forgiveness to the individual. There is plenty of evidence that forgiveness brings freedom and relief not only to the forgiven but especially to the one who forgives. Much has been written on the detrimental effects of bitterness and hate on your health and the one sure way to break that is by forgiving.  There is also an argument against forgiveness, which focuses on the perpetrator, the horror of his actions and the need to amend his ways. Focusing on that will never bring freedom to you.

The tough question remains: “How do I forgive someone who has hurt me deeply and often repeatedly?” I would like to suggest that true forgiveness is possible once you have tasted God’s forgiveness in your own life. As Andy Stanley said: “In the shadow of my hurt, forgiveness feels like a decision to reward my enemy, but in the shadow of the cross, forgiveness is merely a gift from one undeserving soul to another.”

In the next couple of posts, we will look at different aspects of forgiveness, to understand the why and how in order to break free from bitterness and disappointment.

Two Greek words are used to translate the word “forgive.”  The first is charizomai, from the word charis, which means “grace.” It means “to bestow a favour unconditionally; to show one’s self gracious, kind, benevolent; or to grant forgiveness, to pardon.” Believers are to forgive each other the way Christ has forgiven us, as found in Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 2:13 and 3:13. Charizomai indicates being gracious toward someone.

Our human “forgiveness” should follow the pattern of Divine “forgiveness,” “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors.” (Matt 6:12)  If the conditions of repentance and confession are fulfilled, there is no limitation to Christ’s law of forgiveness, (Matt 18:21-22; Matt 18:15-17; Luke 17:3.)

The other word translated as “forgive” in the New Testament, aphiēmi, basically means “to send away” and has been translated in a wide range of applications, including to remit a debt, to leave (something or someone) alone, to allow (an action), to leave, to send away and to desert or abandon. This word appears 146 times in the New Testament but is translated in most English versions as “forgive” only 38 of those times. There is, therefore, a wide range of other words it has been translated into which makes the scope of the meaning much broader. It seems clear that forgiveness was an action rather than a feeling, which leads me to believe that our contemporary ideas about forgiveness as simply an emotional state might be lacking in its’ application.

The myth of Forgiveness                                                                                                                                                   

Let us explore the meaning of “Forgiveness” by looking at what it is not.

Forgiveness is definitely not condoning what has been done to you. It isn’t acceptance of sin and it isn’t denying that you have been severely hurt. It is not seeking an excuse for the one who hurt you or trying to explain the sinful behaviour in any rational way. It isn’t acceptance of abuse and it is not rewarding bad behaviour. It’s also important to know that by forgiving you are not denying whatever happened to you, neither is it allowing others to walk over you. Before you can forgive, it is important to look at your situation objectively, it is important to identify and acknowledge the wrong which was committed against you.

The depth of the pain you have experienced because of what has been done to you doesn’t influence the basic instruction that we should forgive or the rewards of forgiveness once you have given it.

The question is often asked: “How will this person ever change if I simply forgive Him?” Fair question, especially if you live(d) with a person who has repeatedly hurt you.  The simple answer is that we do not forgive to change the guilty party, we forgive because Christ instructed us to forgive since He understands that by forgiving we will experience freedom from bitterness and hate. Christ has come to set us free, not to put us under more bondage, therefore when we live according to His Kingdom principles, we enjoy the fruit of liberty and love.

When the Bible discusses forgiveness towards fellow Christians belonging to the family of God, it gives us a pattern of restoration to follow. There is a definite requirement of believers to live according to the Word of God, and when they display sinful behaviour, there is a process of repentance and restoration which they can either accept or reject. This is seen in Luke 17:3 “Pay attention and always be on your guard [looking out for one another]. If your brother sins (misses the mark), solemnly tell him so and reprove him, and if he repents (feels sorry for having sinned), forgive him.”  This removes the notion that believers can do what they want and we simply need to forgive them without any commitment from their side to change. Jesus taught accountability towards each other and the aim is always to reflect more of God in and through your life, not seeing what you can get away with. The aim is a deepening relationship with God and with fellow believers, not obeying religious laws.

However, we are often faced by situations in which we need to forgive someone who has no relationship with Christ, and it is in this context that I will expand on what the Bible says about Forgiveness in the next posts. We will look amongst other things at the Power of Forgiveness, the Mandate, the Process and the Rewards as well as the Risks of Unforgiveness. I would love for you to join me on this journey of understanding Forgiveness and applying it whenever and wherever you need to, to live in the fullness of what Jesus planned for you.

In the meantime, please allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you about who you should forgive. Holding on to hate and bitterness does nothing to the person who hurt you, but it keeps you from living a joy-filled, impactful life!

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